The Church of Coniferia worships The Mighty And Wise And Very Pretty Tree of Heavens.
Every year around the winter holidays, a decorated fir tree shows up in the Ancient Inn of Tantallon. This year of Our Tree 571, the tree turned out to be The Avatar of the Mighty And Wise Tree Of Heavens. As one of its first priestesses, I, Azaphael of Coniferia, was among the first to start spreading the true word. For this honour I thank The Mighty Tree of Heavens.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Those who follow The Way of The Tree will be eternally happy. Those who do not follow The Way of The Tree may be somehow punished according to mood. Heretics will be punished with sharp prickly needles.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Thou shalt not worship breakfast cereal. Ancestor and spirit worship is fine, as long as they are nice spirits.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Thou shalt be nice to those who I have made into my own image. Also, thou shalt water thirsty trees with water and other bottled beverages.
It is said in the Book of Tree: If thou art nice, upon the winter holidays I shall bestow presents upon thee. Be quick to catch them.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Only with a leap from the twig will you prove your faith. Also, do not believe everything you read literally, or at least don't come complaining to us after that mine shaft turns out to be lethal.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Thou shalt decorate The Decoration Tree with marks of your kin. Those who show the most faith, I shall bestow with the honour of having the most decorations on The Decoration Tree.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Bring me tithes and offerings. If My House becomes too cluttered, thou shalt move my most useful offerings three south, to my Side Temple, for those less fortunate to borrow.
It is said in the Book of Tree: The Tree is All-Knowing, but thou shalt not ask it for the prime decomposition of large numbers, for that is considered cheating and greatly frowned upon.
It is said in the Book of Tree: When you die, The Tree will take thee to It to be eternally joyful. However, first thou must listen to the nice song, for thy faith is thus tested. Also, wasting thine life away just because thou shalt be eternally joyful in the afterlife is considered just plain silly.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Every now and then, The Image of The Tree shall burn or fall to the axe, so that you will not be taken by axes, saws or fire before the end of your days. This does not cover going to fight that fire-breathing dragon or axe-wielding orc, however, for then thou art asking for it.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Thou can worship The Tree in the way most suits thee. All races, classes, guilds and alignments are accepted. It is clear that The Scythe will not be interested in peace and jolly talk, so live sacrifices are also accepted. The Tree also nurtures its following from its very own flesh, so items made of wood are not forbidden.
It is said in the Book of Tree: The Tree is not a snack. Thou shalt not bite it.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Fervent followers of The Tree have nothing to fear! Of course, while it may seem exceptionally easy to follow a Tree, the ferventness may bring many challenges.
It is said in the Book of Tree: Those who wish to join the Priesthood of Coniferia shall have a twig waved at them in a holy manner. They shall help more people to see The Green Light and to find their Inner Tree.
It is said in the Book of Tree: The Tree may be vengeful and petty at times, but it will be vengeful and petty for Your Own Good.
The priests and priestesses spreading The Word are:
The Tree of Coniferia has gathered quite a following. I do not know of other followers, as I can only be in one place and cannot truly see into the hearts of men, women and trees, but if you feel that you should be on the list, let me know.
You join the Church of Coniferia simply by accepting your Inner Tree. However, if you wish to get your name on the official lists, you will need to mail Azaphael (finger her for an email address).