[Lordi]

Mr. Lordi's Non-Satanic Verses

Created 2006-05-23. Last update 2006-06-11.

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Preface

Be it protest or be it actual song quality, one hundred million viewers gave the melodic monster metal group Lordi the equivalent of a standing ovation by voting it to the first place of the Eurovision Song Contest in a landslide victory.

However, the win wasn't without controversy. There were several fundamentalist and conservative groups in different European countries that did what they could to stop the supposedly Satanic monsters from entering the competition. They have all the conviction of the people that demanded banning The Last Temptation of Christ in 1988 or The Da Vinci Code. Mr. Lordi, or rather his real-life equivalent Mr. Tomi Putaansuu has called these types bucket heads because he thinks they'd do anything to avoid truth. He has also claimed in no uncertain terms that a Satanist would never create songs called The Devil Is a Loser and Hard Rock Hallelujah.

So, what is the truth? Yes, the guys look scary. But let's forget the looks just for a while, and consider only what Mr. Lordi is saying through his lyrics. Let's dissect the Eurovision Song Contest winner Hard Rock Hallelujah. What does it actually say? Does it have a message? Or is it just trash?


Hard Rock Hallelujah

We can't really get anywhere without considering the song title for a while.

This is the second time a song with the word Hallelujah has won the European Song Contest. The previous win was for Israel in 1979, with their aptly titled song Hallelujah. Hallelujah means no more or less than Praise God. Note: not "Praise Satan", but "Praise God".

I don't know how well this is known outside of Finland, but here it is common knowledge that Mr. Putaansuu comes from a somewhat religious family. According to his teacher in basic school, he was a bright and nice student who loved drawing so much that he drew all his ledgers and school books full of monsters and sometimes drew comics for test answers! He also loved Kiss and other show-off rock groups from an early age and has one of Finland's largest Kiss memorabilia collections. And he has always had a burning passion for monster horror films.

In this light it is not so difficult to understand why Mr. Putaansuu would praise God for giving him a way to express himself through hard rock music.

But enough of the title and Mr. Putaansuu's younger days. Let's continue with the dissection.

Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Hard Rock Hallelujah!
The song starts by praising God twice through the power of hard rock music.
The saints are crippled on this sinners' night Lost are the lambs with no guiding light
Interpretation: the times are bleak and there are lots of evil things going on.
The walls come down like thunder, the rocks about to roll It's The Arockalypse, now bare your soul
Suddenly the end is nigh, and the apocalypse starts, and your real soul is shown for everyone to see.
All we need is lightning, with power and might Striking down the prophets of false, as the moon is rising Give us the sign, now let us rise up in awe
The prophets of evil are stricken down, and we, the believers, will prevail.
Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah Demons and angels all in one have arrived Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah In God's creation supernatural high
Demons and angels have arrived at the same time to pick up their respective souls: the evil and the believers. And God is allowing a really nice time to the latter group. (Quick note: thyn must be a misspelling of thine.)
The true believers, thou shall be saved Brothers and sisters keep strong in the faith On the day of Rockoning, it's who dares, wins You will see the jokers soon'll be the new kings
Those who have faith in God will be rewarded at the day of reckoning: those who have been ridiculed will be the winners in the new world order.
All we need is lightning, with power and might Striking down the prophets of false, as the moon is rising Give us the sign, now let us rise up in awe Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah Demons and angels all in one have arrived Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah In God's creation supernatural high
Repeat of earlier message.
Wings on my back, I got horns on my head My fangs are sharp, and my eyes are red Not quite an angel, or the one that fell Now choose to join us or go straight to Hell
I'm ugly, but that's OK. Despite my looks I'm neither an angel of God or the Devil. But I am a believer in God and if you are not, you'll end up in Hell.

Note how the lyrics clearly shows that the singer is on the side of God, and definitely not Satan. How else would he be able to say: "You will go to Hell if you are not with me"?

Hard Rock Hallelujah! Hard Rock Hallelujah! Hard Rock Hallelujah! Hard Rock Hallelujah! Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah Demons and angels all in one have arrived Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn Hard Rock Hallelujah In God's creation supernatural high Hard Rock Hallelujah!
Repeat.

Now I Am Deeply Offended

When I first saw a picture of Lordi I thought the group was a bad joke. Their first hit single in Finland, Would You Love a Monster Man (2002), did nothing to change that image.

Despite the high media coverage here, I managed to hear the new song, Hard Rock Hallelujah, for the first time in the Eurovision Song Contest semi-finals - after not watching the contest for over 20 years.

First I thought Lordi was fun and musically by far the best entry. I hailed as the group won the finals. However, now that I understand their message, I feel deeply offended as an atheist. Come on! The name of one of the players is Amen (truth) and their song The Devil Is A Loser (and He's My Bitch) says that you're gonna end up badly if you try to take shortcuts with the help of Satan. This will not do! I will do whatever it takes to prevent this White Metal group Lordi from ever performing again!

No, really. I will actually show my support to their genius by buying a copy of their newest album as soon as stores get more stock. I don't think I'll listen to it a lot, but at least the Finnish pressing is a real CD (not copy protected), and I want to show my support.

Nevertheless, I am genuinely surprised how I've so far not seen a single web page which point clearly out that Hard Rock Hallelujah is a shameless gospel song clad in monster disguise. Probably nobody has yet really, really listened to the song.

Joe M. Straczynski, the writer-producer of the arguably most complicated and consistent science fiction TV series Babylon 5, wrote in 2000: "I believe in what Mark Twain said: 'If you want your stories to last forever -- and by forever I mean a hundred years -- you must neither overtly teach nor overtly preach. But you must covertly teach and covertly preach.'" I have never seen a more cunning way of trying to covertly teach Christian religion than by disguising it in monster masks. This is clever on so many levels, and I have clearly been wrong about the quality and shrewdness of the group. Of course, this also proves once and for all how utterly in the wrong the bucket heads against this gospel song are.


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©2006 Henrik Herranen. For republication permission, contact the author.