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.||. ||.. ...
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`|.. || || `|.. ..|'''.| '|| || '||
'|' ' .... . .... ..||.. ... ..., || ....
|| '' .|| || || || || .| ' || .|...||
'|. | .|' || || || || || || || ||
''|...'| '|..'|' ||. ||. '|..' .||. '|..| ||. '|...'
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 1 Coin
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Greetings, good readers, and welcome to a new issue of the Canticle.
Our reporter has returned from Gemynd, after a few sidetracks, and
it turns out that the eastern town is quite an attraction. Unfortunately,
due to some unfortunate misunderstanding on monetary matters, I will
probably not be heading over there for a while. You can find out more on
page 10.
In this issue, the senators and arches have arranged quite a bit for us
to publish. Dubanka's line of mesmerizing stories continues, and all kinds
of fascinating happenings have been arranged during the last year.
I would like to thank Smythie, Dubanka, Dafeon, Theryn, Trouble,
Arren, Tubalcain, Rivan, Pip, Oliver, the Senate and Canticle staff
members for their work towards this paper.
Thaddeus Jr.
Aspiring Editor-in-Chief
The Canticle
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<*> CANTICLE INDEX <*>
-------------------------------------+-------------------------------------
News In Brief......................2 Triangle Drama with Papergirl......5
Senate News........................3 Dubanka, The Early Years...........6
Anarchy Has Reigned Once More......4 The Wonders of Gemynd.............10
Advertisement Spree................4 Firebreather In The Jar...........12
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 2
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N E W S I N B R I E F
----------------------------------------+----------------------------------
Ranger fashion is the rage of the year, | Necromancers sneer at the fashion
as the new collection of sheaths and | sense of anyone who trusts their
hangers for various weapons has come | continued health in the hands (or
out. For stylish and functional deals, | paws) of anything they have not
consult your nearest ranger! | killed themselves, and proudly
----------------------------------------+ present their fine new reagent
For the finest and fanciest equipment | pouches. The battle against
to put in said sheaths, the resourceful | clutter has taken a dramatic turn!
adventurer can now have smiths forge +
-----------------------------------
epical weaponry based on mysterious | Shopkeepers are now prepared for
instructions found around the realm! | anything, including the end of the
----------------------------------------+ world: they have set up a backup
The Ministry of Transportation notes | stock to help them start their
that the bridge near Duender has been | business anew afterwards. "Sure,
made somewhat less rickety, to the | repopulating the world is necessary
apallment of Norich the ferryman. Word | too, but we do our part and expect
on the street has it that portal-making | you to do yours!" was the official
has just gotten slightly easier for the | statement of Decker's when asked
common folk as well. | about the matter.
--------
--------------------------------+-----------------------------------
Various class halls have improved their | To support the decisions of those
trash handling lately, but now disposal | players who have decided to lay
facilities have begun appearing in | off on the booze, bottles of drink
guild halls as well. Chaos and Snowfolk | can now be emptied. Those who
boast the latest addition in neatness. | collect empty bottles can also
----------------------------------------+ place them on the ground or floor
In response to screams of frustration | carefully to avoid breaking them.
coming from those very new to the +
-----------------------------------
art of melee combat, creatures in some | The new Arch of Quality Control
areas now drop dead in swarms instead | has begun his work with a wide
of just looking slightly battered after | player survey on what you, dear
a tedius exercise battle. If it seems | readers, like, dislike and would
that critters have time to have | like to see done. Some relatively
offspring while you fight them, you | small changes have gone in already
should probably pay attention to your | at the time of this writing, while
dexterity excercise and check that you | larger projects will take some
are using a suitable weapon. | more waiting.
----------------------------------------+-----------------------------------
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 3
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S E N A T E N E W S
"Blood Sacrifices Terrorize Admins"
The Senate met in Ansmonth 16, 590, and much arch-juggling ensued. Dafeon
was appointed to new Arch of Quality Control, and Adinos to Arch of Mudlib.
Paldin continues as Arch of Driver.
As we reported in an update to our previous paper, in a historical
issue numbered 24.1, a plan was also set to run Trivia and Stars
tournaments with monetary prizes. The original first-place prize was
10 000 coins, but due to a last-minute additional donation from
Decker's Fund of Bored Shopkeepers, the first prize for the Trivia
tournament was increased tenfold, to 100 000.
The Trivia tournament consisted of three rounds of differently themed
trivia (movie, general and AA) with 20 questions each, and the players'
scores were added together. One question round had to be tossed when Fir
the Questioner got too sleepy to interpret her geography sanely enough to
score it equally. The winner was Marlboro, with 671.26 points, while
Owitzer came second with 640.35 and Idem third with 614.71 points. The
organization extends special thanks to Mert, Scarecrazy, Jerusulum and
Teclis, who helped arrange a post-tournament reception party at the Town
Hall.
The Stars tournament took place in Andsmonth 591, with similar rules.
Three rounds of 20 questions each, with the themes of "random Ancient
Anguish", "movies", and "random real life objects". Stars scoffed at
the Trivia tournament's prize of 10 000 coins and offered instead the
more permanent prize of an engraved star-shaped jewel to the winner,
who turned out to be Levek, with 977 points in total from two
point-wise tied wins with Violet and a second place to Calvin in the
real life things round. Violet had the second largest combined score of
898 points, and Flea came third with 883 points.
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 4
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Anarchy Has Reigned Once More
Anarchy returned to the dreams of the people of Oerthe for a full
round of what the wizards and other worshippers of a certain cyclic
view of the world are known to call a "reboot". Many dreamt of passing
through a portal numbered 6666 during the time. The wizardly Senate
has reported that this shared dream was intended as a test of the new
Anarchy Portal magic, and therefore the result was not quite as
chaotic as the last time this has happened: no wizards beyond the
archwizards joined in the anarchy dream, and no swarms of Alton were
seen in Tantallon. Plans for the first real Dream of Anarchy are being
set, and input is welcome.
Much killing took place during the first hours of the violent anarchy,
with biggest killers reaching counts around 30 or more. It appears from
our incomplete information that Inhuman and Stretch were among the most
lethal company to be around during anarchy. It seems that after a while,
the main edge of the bloodbath had passed, and many dreamers woke up to
go on with their usual existence. No harm passed over to the waking,
barring maybe some traumas from too much time spent talking to Lars.
Advertisement Spree
There is an advertisement project going on to increase our population.
There are plenty of people who like text also in this era of graphical
games, although the learning curve of AA might be steeper than that of
graphical interfaces. Newbie-friendly projects are in the works to
address that as well. In the meanwhile, bringing new people in and
spending time to get them used to the new world and familiarized with
some helpful people.
Wizards, as they are wont to do, report otherworldly things on the topic:
Dafeon has held a competition for a new topmudsites entry, in which
Serin's entry stood out to be of exceptional quality. He will be taking
the best bits from every entry and arrange to have the final product to
be put up as the new entry in topmudsites.
Ronin has built a set of advertisement banners for Ancient Anguish to be
used freely in promoting AA: http://www.linduz.net/banners/index.html
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 5
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Triangle Drama with Papergirl
Papergirl has been working in Tantallon for a lengthy period of time
already, and many have experienced her suggestive winks and other gestures.
But what do we know about what the papergirl is when she is not delivering
papers (or at least pretending to)?
Trouble has come to the public and stated he is seeing papergirl, and given
interviews on what his mysterious girlfriend is like in her free time. The
news spread so fast it inspired a song from a party called "You Nicked The
Kershaw".
Rivan has responded to Trouble's claims with his own claims of an affair
with Papergirl, also commenting that Knights make better lovers as they
practice on Misha while Bears are rumoured to practice on Growle. Trouble
has responded to these counterarguments by noting that practice with Growle
is proving quite useful with this particular vixen. In addition, Juniper
has been seen talking to Papergirl, which caused a scandal, but we would
like to assure our readers that she was really just trying to get her to
comment on the matter for us. Papergirl did decline any comment, but hit
up on our reporter quite efficiently in the process.
We may never know the truth about Papergirl's private life, but luckily,
she has plenty of hands full of ring fingers! We reproduce the
aforementioned song here with the artists' and, most importantly, their
mysterious rich benefactor's permission.
You Nicked The Kershaw: The Trouble
In the midst of Tantallon there's a hole in the ground
Where that crazy ol' Trouble goes around and around
And his practice with Growle in the depth of the night
He will need wooing papergirl with all his Bear-might
So she'd never ever drool over you.
Oh, she'll never ever drool over you...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 6
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Dubanka, The Early Years: The Gnoll - Ilderian War
The Eldar Guild Master, Dubanka, is known for his fascinating war stories
told to the adventurous members of the guild over a cup of Lanara's
soothing tea. He has agreed to share another story with the Canticle
readership.
Dubanka: So what would you like to hear about today?
Smythie: Now, last we spoke. You had been released from the service
protecting King Abcdefghijklmnopqrzstuvwxyz.
Dubanka: Yes, that was boring work. Should I tell that again, then?
Smythie: Nono. You had many fans after that. You promised a thrilling
story about the Gnoll - Ilderian War.
Dubanka: Oh yes! Now that takes me back. Back when gnolls were gnolls,
ilderians were ilderians, and well. Few other races were much of
anything.
Smythie: So. What were gnolls and idle-rians like?
Dubanka: Smelly, is what I remember. Gnolls were never too much about
personal hygiene, and ilderians were all natural, which amounts to
the same. Ilderians had a fierce hatred of Gnolls, on account of
the minor detail that Gnolls often hunted down and ate them.
Gnolls liked the Ilderians, though. Especially with a little salt.
Smythie: I've heard fried gnolls are tasty.
Dubanka: Well, I make it a general policy to avoid dining on sentient
beings, unless they really annoy me.
Dubanka: So anyway, this all was happening long before humans, elves,
dwarves, and orcs had any sort of civilisation. Which made it
somewhat awkward for me to fit in, because nobody knew what a
dwarf was. Usually I passed myself off as a very ugly pixie.
Smythie: Very ugly pixie? I didn't realise dwarves resembled pixies.
Dubanka: VERY ugly pixie.
Smythie: Ah. Good point. I bet you had a heck of a time with those wings
though.
Dubanka: Needless to say, it was a tough age for my ego, and I was much
less mature back then. It being nearly the beginning of time
itself.
Smythie: So like the crack of time?
Dubanka: Well, the gnolls and ilderians (and giants, aurunn, minotaurs)
were the first real civilisations as is understood now. Everything
before... was a bit chaotic. And not very fun to live through,
mind you.
Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 7...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 7
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Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 6 ...
Smythie: Wait. Aurunn? Is this WIZINFO??
Dubanka: That they existed? That is history!
Smythie: Sure sure. Yer SO busted now Mr.
Dubanka: There are even aurunn in the realm today. You should pay more
attention.
Smythie: Oh man. How did I wiz if I've never heard of Aurunn. Though the
word makes me hungry. ANYWAY. Back to the story.
Dubanka: Yes... I must say I did some things which I somewhat regret,
including nearly handing the continent to the gnolls.
Smythie: REALLY.
Dubanka: Which I'm sure would have been a mighty surprise to those first
enterprising humans. Who instead of being forefathers would have
been appetizers.
Smythie: Yes. I bet that would be a bit of a nasty shock.
Dubanka: So anyway, I was bored one day and was wandering the gnoll lands.
By that point, the gnolls had by and large learned to avoid me.
Smythie: Well yes. Being an ugly pixie and all.
Dubanka: Not to mention immortal and very unpleasant to eat. So I was
picking through a fairly fresh battlefield, seeing if I could find
any souvenirs. When a huge gnoll just sort of appeared out of
nowhere. He was definitely dressed to impress.
Smythie: Oh? How so?
Dubanka: His armour looked well-nigh impervious, he had a cloak made out of
ilderian skin, with heads still attached an sticking up from his
shoulders.
Smythie: Wow. That IS impressive.
Dubanka: Well, we stared at each other for a good minute. Generally I
didn't inspire fear in the gnolls, mostly just disgust and disdain.
But this gnoll was frozen stiff.
Smythie: Oh. Not literally.
Dubanka: Oh, just about! Turns out he was in some form of suspended
animation. Crude work, I assumed the ilderians did it.
Smythie: Oh, neat!
Dubanka: Of course, it takes a lot of effort to perform such a spell. Much
more effort than stabbing him in the neck.
Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 8...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 8
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Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 7 ...
Dubanka: And being the curious immortal I was back then, I decided to see
what's up. I quickly coded up a cage, made it unbreakable, and
cloned it around him. Then I dug out my spellbook from my pack,
blew off the dust on it, and cast the proper dispelling magic.
Naturally, he was pretty pissed at first. Still thought he was in
battle and all.
Smythie: Neat bit of coding there too, by the way.
Dubanka: Thanks! Can never be too careful with those gnolls. After he calmed
down a bit, I said, "Hello! Sorry for the cage, but I get tired of
being eaten. You've been in some sort of suspended animation
spell... any idea why?" But he just kept snarling and trying to
break out of the cage.
Smythie: Huh. And you were polite and everything!
Dubanka: Well, funny thing that: I should have known that he didn't speak
common.
Smythie: Oh. Well, there's that.
Dubanka: NOBODY spoke common. It was decidedly uncommon.
Smythie: Well. Obviously. YOU spoke common. So it was kinda common.
Dubanka: Well, it was the natural language for immortals, of course. But
we were pretty uncommon too.
Smythie: Ah ha. Few wizards? So. Like. Who did you bowl against?
Dubanka: Venture. Anyway, back to the story!
Smythie: Er. Yeah. Gnolls and ilderians. Story.
Dubanka: Maybe if the ilderians knew how to say 'please don't eat us' in
gnollish, they could have had peace. We started talking gnollish
and lo and behold, I had stumbled on one of their High Priests!
Smythie: Oooo.
Dubanka: In fact, the very same high priest who had made such a buzz in
Ilderia by infecting a treant with evil. Whose story you may know
if you've ever actually listened to that ilderian song mage.
Smythie: REALLY. I've even heard about THAT.
Dubanka: Well, unlike the suspended animation spell, I had been pretty
impressed with this guy's work. It was some hardcore magic. So I
thought I'd give him a chance to win his freedom. I said, "High
Priest, I'll release you from this cage if you can answer me these
questions three." Naturally, all this conversation I'm translating
from gnollish.
Smythie: Of course.
Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 9 ...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 9
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Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 8 ...
Dubanka: "Question one: What is the square root of 7396?"
Smythie: Wow. That's a tough question. Are gnolls naturally good at math?
Dubanka: I suppose I need to point out some points of translation here. The
gnolls didn't have much in the way of mathematical notation back
then. Probably still don't, I wager. A more direct translation of
the question would be: "If two gnolls could eat two ilderians
apiece, and 10 gnolls could eat 10 ilderians apiece, how many
gnolls could feast on 7396 stinking ilderians?" And almost
immediately he came back with, "86". Apparently gnolls are very
good at working out meals among their packs! So I had already
learned something new that day, which made me happy. But I had two
more questions to go, and I wasn't really expecting him to get
that one.
Smythie: Wow! I'm impressed. He's smart.
Dubanka: I had to think for a bit, but I came up with something he possibly
couldn't know: "Question 2: What is the radius of the Oerthe?" But
he hardly even paused before answering, "Radius of Oerthe is
distance from centre of Oerthe to surface." So the Gnolls knew the
Oerthe was round! A second new thing learned that day.
Smythie: I'm learning so much today as well!
Dubanka: Now I was in a bit of a fix.
Smythie: Oh?
Dubanka: I was young then, but even then I knew it was frowned upon to
change the course of history. And I figured this dude was really
meant to be suspended for a while. So I'd be in pretty big trouble
if I let him free. I didn't want to go back on my word, though.
Smythie: Oo, so what did you do??
Dubanka: Well, I ended up going with an old standby: "Question three: What
have I got in my pocket?"
Smythie: Ooo, tricky!
Dubanka: I was sure to keep my hand out of my pocket, because I knew the
tricks. Well, he had only one resort, and that was "Nothing". But
he was wrong!
Smythie: Oops. Good guess though.
Dubanka: I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I had
barely outsmarted a gnoll in a loaded game. But as I said, those
days were not so great on the ego. In the end, he lost. So we
shook hands, I suspended him again (a bit better this time,
amateurs) and destructed the cage.
Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 10...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 10
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Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 9 ...
Dubanka: All in all, it was a good day -- I had learned some new things
and had a fasionable new cloak as well.
Smythie: Hee. You stole his cloak?
Dubanka: It's not like he was going to feel the cold anymore.
Smythie: So. What DID you have in your pocket?
Dubanka: Turns out it was my hand after all... didn't have much attention
span those days.
Smythie: Apparently not!
Dubanka: So the Ilderians ended up winning that war. Because the Gnolls
were disorganised and disspirited, if that's a word.
Smythie: It works for me. Hrmm. Was the win a good thing, or a bad thing?
Dubanka: Well, it's definitely a good thing, because I didn't get in
trouble. And that's my brief but pivotal role in the
Gnoll - Ilderian war!
Smythie: Ooo! Very pivotal! Thanks, Dubs. Any insight as to what the next
story will be?
Dubanka: Hmm. How about I tell you about the beginning of the orc invasion
into human lands and how it TOTALLY wasn't my fault.
Smythie: Oooo, I like the sounds of that! Although. It probably was.
Dubanka: Vicious rumours!
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The Wonders of Gemynd
by Lehmus, the rookie fighter
I was hanging out at Leau and Drais's house, browsing the "Fighter Book" by
Blayne to plan my training, when a Canticle representative suddenly hired
me to write a piece on the wonders of Gemynd. I suspect the representative
confused me with the author of the masterpiece I was browsing, but I played
along. I got sent over to Infidian in a jiffy, and began my research.
I was awed by all the size of the town. I had somehow assumed that Gemynd
was a small place worried about the incursion of foreigners, but the place
was possibly even more magnificent than my home town, Tantallon. I visited
a seer to learn that my future would involve lots of arduous writing work,
and decided that I had better make sure I had lots of experiences to
report. Luckily I managed to convince the local bank that The Canticle
would back up my expenses.
The Wonders of Gemynd continued on page 11 ...
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 11
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The Wonders of Gemynd, continued from page 10 ...
I begun my hard work by getting myself some fancy new clothes from locally
dyed fabric. I ran into a jeweller's on the way, so I got some decorations
to go with my new dress. I visited a place of knowledge, but decided to go
borrow books later, since I was busy spending all the money I could. I
bought some presents for my friends back home, and even got a bit of
incense and other helpful itemry for, um, a friend of mine who needs some
assistance in matters of wooing.
The general store keeper suggested that I try out leeching, since it is
apparently very good for you. It was not exactly the thing for me. I had to
wash out the experience with some good liquor. Of which there was plenty in
the local pub, which you simply have to experience yourself.
After a long and merry night, the end of which I do not recall clearly, I
woke up in a dark place. Once my eyes got used to the low lighting, which
was just perfect for my poor hung-over state, I looked around and found, to
my amazement, that I was surrounded by corpses! I heard some chitinous
scuttering sound from behind the corner, and decided to quickly make my
exit in the opposite direction. As I climbed out of the tunnel, I found I
was in the middle of a desert, throat parched already, and with strange
tracks all around me. Man, they throw wild parties over in the east!
I applied the skills I had seen some rangers use to figure out where they
are, and started heading towards what would be the nearest harbour. Half an
eternity later, as I was catching my breath lying face-down on the ground,
I was picked up by a bunch of people who were training to shapeshift. They
were all fussed up over something, but would not tell me what it was,
although the indication was that as a result, outsiders were not really
liked in their camp. One of them was still kind enough to direct me back to
a shady guy who arranged me back to Anguish.
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Hanza's Magical Maps - Do not explore __________________
Infidian without one! \ooo . |^ ^ ^\
\ooo . \ ^ ^ \
Tired of getting lost in the world? We have a \ooo_ . _ |_^ ^\
magical map for you! They range in size from /ooo . /^ ^ /
our smallest, the pocket map, to our largest, /ooo . / ^ ^/
the sorcerer's map. /__________/______/
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Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 12
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Azaphael, Arren and Tubalcain showed up at the Offices one day, carrying
a message in the form of a song. Apparently they had received it from the
mysterious black-clad gentlemen we have a publication contract with.
Firebreather in the jar
As I was going over the far famed Claw-y Mountains
I met with court mage Zarkan, and his reagents he was counting
I first produced my crossbow, then my jeweled dwarven rapier
Sayin' stand and deliver, for the Ravens they may take ya
'Lisha ring Drinsy do Gilby da
Blood for the Brotherhood
Blood for the Brethren, oh,
Firebreather in the jar
I fenced out his scepter, and it made a pretty penny.
I put it in my pocket and I took it home to Jenny
She said and she swore, that she never would deceive me
But ole' Razar take the women, for they never can be easy
I went into the bakery, all for to afk and idle
I dreamt of gold and rpoints and for sure it was no wonder.
But Jenny took my potions and she filled them up with water
Then sent for court mage Zarkan to be ready for the slaughter
I set out after reset, to murder like a master,
The guards were all around me and likewise the old spellcaster
I first produced my crossbow, for she stole away my rapier,
But my heals had turned to water so to Lars I soon was taken.
If anyone can aid me, it's my Brothers of the Raven
If I can find their party skilling down in fair Greenhaven
And if they'll come recruit me, we'll go kill the high and mighty
And I swear they'll treat me better than me darling thieving Jenny
Now some men take delight in the drinking and the smoking
But others take delight in the potions and the purging
But I take delight in the juices of the nightshade
And stabbing lanky mages in the morning bright and early.