------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .. .. .||. ||.. ... || || || ||.|| `|.. || || `|.. ..|'''.| '|| || '|| '|' ' .... . .... ..||.. ... ..., || .... || '' .|| || || || || .| ' || .|...|| '|. | .|' || || || || || || || || ''|...'| '|..'|' ||. ||. '|..' .||. '|..| ||. '|...' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 1 Coin --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Greetings, good readers, and welcome to a new issue of the Canticle. Our reporter has returned from Gemynd, after a few sidetracks, and it turns out that the eastern town is quite an attraction. Unfortunately, due to some unfortunate misunderstanding on monetary matters, I will probably not be heading over there for a while. You can find out more on page 10. In this issue, the senators and arches have arranged quite a bit for us to publish. Dubanka's line of mesmerizing stories continues, and all kinds of fascinating happenings have been arranged during the last year. I would like to thank Smythie, Dubanka, Dafeon, Theryn, Trouble, Arren, Tubalcain, Rivan, Pip, Oliver, the Senate and Canticle staff members for their work towards this paper. Thaddeus Jr. Aspiring Editor-in-Chief The Canticle --------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*> CANTICLE INDEX <*> -------------------------------------+------------------------------------- News In Brief......................2 Triangle Drama with Papergirl......5 Senate News........................3 Dubanka, The Early Years...........6 Anarchy Has Reigned Once More......4 The Wonders of Gemynd.............10 Advertisement Spree................4 Firebreather In The Jar...........12 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 2 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- N E W S I N B R I E F ----------------------------------------+---------------------------------- Ranger fashion is the rage of the year, | Necromancers sneer at the fashion as the new collection of sheaths and | sense of anyone who trusts their hangers for various weapons has come | continued health in the hands (or out. For stylish and functional deals, | paws) of anything they have not consult your nearest ranger! | killed themselves, and proudly ----------------------------------------+ present their fine new reagent For the finest and fanciest equipment | pouches. The battle against to put in said sheaths, the resourceful | clutter has taken a dramatic turn! adventurer can now have smiths forge +----------------------------------- epical weaponry based on mysterious | Shopkeepers are now prepared for instructions found around the realm! | anything, including the end of the ----------------------------------------+ world: they have set up a backup The Ministry of Transportation notes | stock to help them start their that the bridge near Duender has been | business anew afterwards. "Sure, made somewhat less rickety, to the | repopulating the world is necessary apallment of Norich the ferryman. Word | too, but we do our part and expect on the street has it that portal-making | you to do yours!" was the official has just gotten slightly easier for the | statement of Decker's when asked common folk as well. | about the matter. ----------------------------------------+----------------------------------- Various class halls have improved their | To support the decisions of those trash handling lately, but now disposal | players who have decided to lay facilities have begun appearing in | off on the booze, bottles of drink guild halls as well. Chaos and Snowfolk | can now be emptied. Those who boast the latest addition in neatness. | collect empty bottles can also ----------------------------------------+ place them on the ground or floor In response to screams of frustration | carefully to avoid breaking them. coming from those very new to the +----------------------------------- art of melee combat, creatures in some | The new Arch of Quality Control areas now drop dead in swarms instead | has begun his work with a wide of just looking slightly battered after | player survey on what you, dear a tedius exercise battle. If it seems | readers, like, dislike and would that critters have time to have | like to see done. Some relatively offspring while you fight them, you | small changes have gone in already should probably pay attention to your | at the time of this writing, while dexterity excercise and check that you | larger projects will take some are using a suitable weapon. | more waiting. ----------------------------------------+----------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- S E N A T E N E W S "Blood Sacrifices Terrorize Admins" The Senate met in Ansmonth 16, 590, and much arch-juggling ensued. Dafeon was appointed to new Arch of Quality Control, and Adinos to Arch of Mudlib. Paldin continues as Arch of Driver. As we reported in an update to our previous paper, in a historical issue numbered 24.1, a plan was also set to run Trivia and Stars tournaments with monetary prizes. The original first-place prize was 10 000 coins, but due to a last-minute additional donation from Decker's Fund of Bored Shopkeepers, the first prize for the Trivia tournament was increased tenfold, to 100 000. The Trivia tournament consisted of three rounds of differently themed trivia (movie, general and AA) with 20 questions each, and the players' scores were added together. One question round had to be tossed when Fir the Questioner got too sleepy to interpret her geography sanely enough to score it equally. The winner was Marlboro, with 671.26 points, while Owitzer came second with 640.35 and Idem third with 614.71 points. The organization extends special thanks to Mert, Scarecrazy, Jerusulum and Teclis, who helped arrange a post-tournament reception party at the Town Hall. The Stars tournament took place in Andsmonth 591, with similar rules. Three rounds of 20 questions each, with the themes of "random Ancient Anguish", "movies", and "random real life objects". Stars scoffed at the Trivia tournament's prize of 10 000 coins and offered instead the more permanent prize of an engraved star-shaped jewel to the winner, who turned out to be Levek, with 977 points in total from two point-wise tied wins with Violet and a second place to Calvin in the real life things round. Violet had the second largest combined score of 898 points, and Flea came third with 883 points. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anarchy Has Reigned Once More Anarchy returned to the dreams of the people of Oerthe for a full round of what the wizards and other worshippers of a certain cyclic view of the world are known to call a "reboot". Many dreamt of passing through a portal numbered 6666 during the time. The wizardly Senate has reported that this shared dream was intended as a test of the new Anarchy Portal magic, and therefore the result was not quite as chaotic as the last time this has happened: no wizards beyond the archwizards joined in the anarchy dream, and no swarms of Alton were seen in Tantallon. Plans for the first real Dream of Anarchy are being set, and input is welcome. Much killing took place during the first hours of the violent anarchy, with biggest killers reaching counts around 30 or more. It appears from our incomplete information that Inhuman and Stretch were among the most lethal company to be around during anarchy. It seems that after a while, the main edge of the bloodbath had passed, and many dreamers woke up to go on with their usual existence. No harm passed over to the waking, barring maybe some traumas from too much time spent talking to Lars. Advertisement Spree There is an advertisement project going on to increase our population. There are plenty of people who like text also in this era of graphical games, although the learning curve of AA might be steeper than that of graphical interfaces. Newbie-friendly projects are in the works to address that as well. In the meanwhile, bringing new people in and spending time to get them used to the new world and familiarized with some helpful people. Wizards, as they are wont to do, report otherworldly things on the topic: Dafeon has held a competition for a new topmudsites entry, in which Serin's entry stood out to be of exceptional quality. He will be taking the best bits from every entry and arrange to have the final product to be put up as the new entry in topmudsites. Ronin has built a set of advertisement banners for Ancient Anguish to be used freely in promoting AA: http://www.linduz.net/banners/index.html --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 5 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Triangle Drama with Papergirl Papergirl has been working in Tantallon for a lengthy period of time already, and many have experienced her suggestive winks and other gestures. But what do we know about what the papergirl is when she is not delivering papers (or at least pretending to)? Trouble has come to the public and stated he is seeing papergirl, and given interviews on what his mysterious girlfriend is like in her free time. The news spread so fast it inspired a song from a party called "You Nicked The Kershaw". Rivan has responded to Trouble's claims with his own claims of an affair with Papergirl, also commenting that Knights make better lovers as they practice on Misha while Bears are rumoured to practice on Growle. Trouble has responded to these counterarguments by noting that practice with Growle is proving quite useful with this particular vixen. In addition, Juniper has been seen talking to Papergirl, which caused a scandal, but we would like to assure our readers that she was really just trying to get her to comment on the matter for us. Papergirl did decline any comment, but hit up on our reporter quite efficiently in the process. We may never know the truth about Papergirl's private life, but luckily, she has plenty of hands full of ring fingers! We reproduce the aforementioned song here with the artists' and, most importantly, their mysterious rich benefactor's permission. You Nicked The Kershaw: The Trouble In the midst of Tantallon there's a hole in the ground Where that crazy ol' Trouble goes around and around And his practice with Growle in the depth of the night He will need wooing papergirl with all his Bear-might So she'd never ever drool over you. Oh, she'll never ever drool over you... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 6 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years: The Gnoll - Ilderian War The Eldar Guild Master, Dubanka, is known for his fascinating war stories told to the adventurous members of the guild over a cup of Lanara's soothing tea. He has agreed to share another story with the Canticle readership. Dubanka: So what would you like to hear about today? Smythie: Now, last we spoke. You had been released from the service protecting King Abcdefghijklmnopqrzstuvwxyz. Dubanka: Yes, that was boring work. Should I tell that again, then? Smythie: Nono. You had many fans after that. You promised a thrilling story about the Gnoll - Ilderian War. Dubanka: Oh yes! Now that takes me back. Back when gnolls were gnolls, ilderians were ilderians, and well. Few other races were much of anything. Smythie: So. What were gnolls and idle-rians like? Dubanka: Smelly, is what I remember. Gnolls were never too much about personal hygiene, and ilderians were all natural, which amounts to the same. Ilderians had a fierce hatred of Gnolls, on account of the minor detail that Gnolls often hunted down and ate them. Gnolls liked the Ilderians, though. Especially with a little salt. Smythie: I've heard fried gnolls are tasty. Dubanka: Well, I make it a general policy to avoid dining on sentient beings, unless they really annoy me. Dubanka: So anyway, this all was happening long before humans, elves, dwarves, and orcs had any sort of civilisation. Which made it somewhat awkward for me to fit in, because nobody knew what a dwarf was. Usually I passed myself off as a very ugly pixie. Smythie: Very ugly pixie? I didn't realise dwarves resembled pixies. Dubanka: VERY ugly pixie. Smythie: Ah. Good point. I bet you had a heck of a time with those wings though. Dubanka: Needless to say, it was a tough age for my ego, and I was much less mature back then. It being nearly the beginning of time itself. Smythie: So like the crack of time? Dubanka: Well, the gnolls and ilderians (and giants, aurunn, minotaurs) were the first real civilisations as is understood now. Everything before... was a bit chaotic. And not very fun to live through, mind you. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 7... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 7 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 6 ... Smythie: Wait. Aurunn? Is this WIZINFO?? Dubanka: That they existed? That is history! Smythie: Sure sure. Yer SO busted now Mr. Dubanka: There are even aurunn in the realm today. You should pay more attention. Smythie: Oh man. How did I wiz if I've never heard of Aurunn. Though the word makes me hungry. ANYWAY. Back to the story. Dubanka: Yes... I must say I did some things which I somewhat regret, including nearly handing the continent to the gnolls. Smythie: REALLY. Dubanka: Which I'm sure would have been a mighty surprise to those first enterprising humans. Who instead of being forefathers would have been appetizers. Smythie: Yes. I bet that would be a bit of a nasty shock. Dubanka: So anyway, I was bored one day and was wandering the gnoll lands. By that point, the gnolls had by and large learned to avoid me. Smythie: Well yes. Being an ugly pixie and all. Dubanka: Not to mention immortal and very unpleasant to eat. So I was picking through a fairly fresh battlefield, seeing if I could find any souvenirs. When a huge gnoll just sort of appeared out of nowhere. He was definitely dressed to impress. Smythie: Oh? How so? Dubanka: His armour looked well-nigh impervious, he had a cloak made out of ilderian skin, with heads still attached an sticking up from his shoulders. Smythie: Wow. That IS impressive. Dubanka: Well, we stared at each other for a good minute. Generally I didn't inspire fear in the gnolls, mostly just disgust and disdain. But this gnoll was frozen stiff. Smythie: Oh. Not literally. Dubanka: Oh, just about! Turns out he was in some form of suspended animation. Crude work, I assumed the ilderians did it. Smythie: Oh, neat! Dubanka: Of course, it takes a lot of effort to perform such a spell. Much more effort than stabbing him in the neck. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 8... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 8 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 7 ... Dubanka: And being the curious immortal I was back then, I decided to see what's up. I quickly coded up a cage, made it unbreakable, and cloned it around him. Then I dug out my spellbook from my pack, blew off the dust on it, and cast the proper dispelling magic. Naturally, he was pretty pissed at first. Still thought he was in battle and all. Smythie: Neat bit of coding there too, by the way. Dubanka: Thanks! Can never be too careful with those gnolls. After he calmed down a bit, I said, "Hello! Sorry for the cage, but I get tired of being eaten. You've been in some sort of suspended animation spell... any idea why?" But he just kept snarling and trying to break out of the cage. Smythie: Huh. And you were polite and everything! Dubanka: Well, funny thing that: I should have known that he didn't speak common. Smythie: Oh. Well, there's that. Dubanka: NOBODY spoke common. It was decidedly uncommon. Smythie: Well. Obviously. YOU spoke common. So it was kinda common. Dubanka: Well, it was the natural language for immortals, of course. But we were pretty uncommon too. Smythie: Ah ha. Few wizards? So. Like. Who did you bowl against? Dubanka: Venture. Anyway, back to the story! Smythie: Er. Yeah. Gnolls and ilderians. Story. Dubanka: Maybe if the ilderians knew how to say 'please don't eat us' in gnollish, they could have had peace. We started talking gnollish and lo and behold, I had stumbled on one of their High Priests! Smythie: Oooo. Dubanka: In fact, the very same high priest who had made such a buzz in Ilderia by infecting a treant with evil. Whose story you may know if you've ever actually listened to that ilderian song mage. Smythie: REALLY. I've even heard about THAT. Dubanka: Well, unlike the suspended animation spell, I had been pretty impressed with this guy's work. It was some hardcore magic. So I thought I'd give him a chance to win his freedom. I said, "High Priest, I'll release you from this cage if you can answer me these questions three." Naturally, all this conversation I'm translating from gnollish. Smythie: Of course. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 9 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 9 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 8 ... Dubanka: "Question one: What is the square root of 7396?" Smythie: Wow. That's a tough question. Are gnolls naturally good at math? Dubanka: I suppose I need to point out some points of translation here. The gnolls didn't have much in the way of mathematical notation back then. Probably still don't, I wager. A more direct translation of the question would be: "If two gnolls could eat two ilderians apiece, and 10 gnolls could eat 10 ilderians apiece, how many gnolls could feast on 7396 stinking ilderians?" And almost immediately he came back with, "86". Apparently gnolls are very good at working out meals among their packs! So I had already learned something new that day, which made me happy. But I had two more questions to go, and I wasn't really expecting him to get that one. Smythie: Wow! I'm impressed. He's smart. Dubanka: I had to think for a bit, but I came up with something he possibly couldn't know: "Question 2: What is the radius of the Oerthe?" But he hardly even paused before answering, "Radius of Oerthe is distance from centre of Oerthe to surface." So the Gnolls knew the Oerthe was round! A second new thing learned that day. Smythie: I'm learning so much today as well! Dubanka: Now I was in a bit of a fix. Smythie: Oh? Dubanka: I was young then, but even then I knew it was frowned upon to change the course of history. And I figured this dude was really meant to be suspended for a while. So I'd be in pretty big trouble if I let him free. I didn't want to go back on my word, though. Smythie: Oo, so what did you do?? Dubanka: Well, I ended up going with an old standby: "Question three: What have I got in my pocket?" Smythie: Ooo, tricky! Dubanka: I was sure to keep my hand out of my pocket, because I knew the tricks. Well, he had only one resort, and that was "Nothing". But he was wrong! Smythie: Oops. Good guess though. Dubanka: I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I had barely outsmarted a gnoll in a loaded game. But as I said, those days were not so great on the ego. In the end, he lost. So we shook hands, I suspended him again (a bit better this time, amateurs) and destructed the cage. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 10... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 10 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 9 ... Dubanka: All in all, it was a good day -- I had learned some new things and had a fasionable new cloak as well. Smythie: Hee. You stole his cloak? Dubanka: It's not like he was going to feel the cold anymore. Smythie: So. What DID you have in your pocket? Dubanka: Turns out it was my hand after all... didn't have much attention span those days. Smythie: Apparently not! Dubanka: So the Ilderians ended up winning that war. Because the Gnolls were disorganised and disspirited, if that's a word. Smythie: It works for me. Hrmm. Was the win a good thing, or a bad thing? Dubanka: Well, it's definitely a good thing, because I didn't get in trouble. And that's my brief but pivotal role in the Gnoll - Ilderian war! Smythie: Ooo! Very pivotal! Thanks, Dubs. Any insight as to what the next story will be? Dubanka: Hmm. How about I tell you about the beginning of the orc invasion into human lands and how it TOTALLY wasn't my fault. Smythie: Oooo, I like the sounds of that! Although. It probably was. Dubanka: Vicious rumours! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Wonders of Gemynd by Lehmus, the rookie fighter I was hanging out at Leau and Drais's house, browsing the "Fighter Book" by Blayne to plan my training, when a Canticle representative suddenly hired me to write a piece on the wonders of Gemynd. I suspect the representative confused me with the author of the masterpiece I was browsing, but I played along. I got sent over to Infidian in a jiffy, and began my research. I was awed by all the size of the town. I had somehow assumed that Gemynd was a small place worried about the incursion of foreigners, but the place was possibly even more magnificent than my home town, Tantallon. I visited a seer to learn that my future would involve lots of arduous writing work, and decided that I had better make sure I had lots of experiences to report. Luckily I managed to convince the local bank that The Canticle would back up my expenses. The Wonders of Gemynd continued on page 11 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 11 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Wonders of Gemynd, continued from page 10 ... I begun my hard work by getting myself some fancy new clothes from locally dyed fabric. I ran into a jeweller's on the way, so I got some decorations to go with my new dress. I visited a place of knowledge, but decided to go borrow books later, since I was busy spending all the money I could. I bought some presents for my friends back home, and even got a bit of incense and other helpful itemry for, um, a friend of mine who needs some assistance in matters of wooing. The general store keeper suggested that I try out leeching, since it is apparently very good for you. It was not exactly the thing for me. I had to wash out the experience with some good liquor. Of which there was plenty in the local pub, which you simply have to experience yourself. After a long and merry night, the end of which I do not recall clearly, I woke up in a dark place. Once my eyes got used to the low lighting, which was just perfect for my poor hung-over state, I looked around and found, to my amazement, that I was surrounded by corpses! I heard some chitinous scuttering sound from behind the corner, and decided to quickly make my exit in the opposite direction. As I climbed out of the tunnel, I found I was in the middle of a desert, throat parched already, and with strange tracks all around me. Man, they throw wild parties over in the east! I applied the skills I had seen some rangers use to figure out where they are, and started heading towards what would be the nearest harbour. Half an eternity later, as I was catching my breath lying face-down on the ground, I was picked up by a bunch of people who were training to shapeshift. They were all fussed up over something, but would not tell me what it was, although the indication was that as a result, outsiders were not really liked in their camp. One of them was still kind enough to direct me back to a shady guy who arranged me back to Anguish. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hanza's Magical Maps - Do not explore __________________ Infidian without one! \ooo . |^ ^ ^\ \ooo . \ ^ ^ \ Tired of getting lost in the world? We have a \ooo_ . _ |_^ ^\ magical map for you! They range in size from /ooo . /^ ^ / our smallest, the pocket map, to our largest, /ooo . / ^ ^/ the sorcerer's map. /__________/______/ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 25.0 22 Ansmonth, 591 Page 12 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Azaphael, Arren and Tubalcain showed up at the Offices one day, carrying a message in the form of a song. Apparently they had received it from the mysterious black-clad gentlemen we have a publication contract with. Firebreather in the jar As I was going over the far famed Claw-y Mountains I met with court mage Zarkan, and his reagents he was counting I first produced my crossbow, then my jeweled dwarven rapier Sayin' stand and deliver, for the Ravens they may take ya 'Lisha ring Drinsy do Gilby da Blood for the Brotherhood Blood for the Brethren, oh, Firebreather in the jar I fenced out his scepter, and it made a pretty penny. I put it in my pocket and I took it home to Jenny She said and she swore, that she never would deceive me But ole' Razar take the women, for they never can be easy I went into the bakery, all for to afk and idle I dreamt of gold and rpoints and for sure it was no wonder. But Jenny took my potions and she filled them up with water Then sent for court mage Zarkan to be ready for the slaughter I set out after reset, to murder like a master, The guards were all around me and likewise the old spellcaster I first produced my crossbow, for she stole away my rapier, But my heals had turned to water so to Lars I soon was taken. If anyone can aid me, it's my Brothers of the Raven If I can find their party skilling down in fair Greenhaven And if they'll come recruit me, we'll go kill the high and mighty And I swear they'll treat me better than me darling thieving Jenny Now some men take delight in the drinking and the smoking But others take delight in the potions and the purging But I take delight in the juices of the nightshade And stabbing lanky mages in the morning bright and early.