------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .. .. .||. ||.. ... || || || ||.|| `|.. || || `|.. ..|'''.| '|| || '|| '|' ' .... . .... ..||.. ... ..., || .... || '' .|| || || || || .| ' || .|...|| '|. | .|' || || || || || || || || ''|...'| '|..'|' ||. ||. '|..' .||. '|..| ||. '|...' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 1 Coin --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome, my dear readers, to a special issue of the Canticle. Once again our in the history of the paper, we are the first to bring you the news that can change your world forever! That being said, I apologize, dear readers, that I ran off in such a hurry before. It was not that I had run into whispers of the extraordinary news item of today, but from my own perspective, I had crossed paths with even more ground-breaking news. I have a son! He has been living with the Eldar, near my place of birth, and has now come of age. He learned about my past and sent a courier to find me, and bring me to him. I went along, and have spent the last year in Duender catching up. He decided to come with me to eventually take over the Canticle, so we travelled back together. On the way, we picked up word of the eastern continent having been rediscovered after a long break. When the Shapeshifter enclave found themselves shipwrecked here, I suspect it caused an increase of attempts to search for a way to get safely over the Mare Stellarum. Now even a landlubber can travel there, with the brave captain Diggan to take them! This amazing discovery has opened so many new and strange things for me to chronicle that I have decided to accelerate my retirement. I am sure Fir can teach Thaddeus Jr. to run the paper just as well, so I will be taking off on the next ship towards new adventures. I would like to thank all my readers for these wonderful times. Never lose your curiosity! Good luck, Thaddeus the Chronicler Editor-In-Retirement The Canticle --------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*> CANTICLE INDEX <*> -------------------------------------+------------------------------------- Infidian Rediscovered..............2 Business News......................7 Elvish Unrest Near Hobbitat........3 Dear Laggy.........................8 An Old Battlefield Uncovered.......3 Haiku Time........................10 Tourists Warned About Picpockets...3 Dubanka, The Early Years..........11 News In Brief......................4 Acknowledgements..................14 Heard At The Town Hall.............5 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 2 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- *EXTRA!* Infidian Rediscovered *EXTRA!* I have just met up with Gaius, who has given me the most exciting news we've heard in many a year - the sea route to Infidian has been rediscovered! An intrepid seafarer, Diggan by name, has managed to chart a reliable route through the dangers of the storm-lashed ocean, leading in a new era in our history. Of course there has been tales for many years of explorers reaching Infidian, but so few have ever returned to tell the tale that the many skeptics were well-justified in disbelieving the rumours. Gaius filled my ears with tales of strange people, fantastical creatures and fire-spewing mountains, and I simply had to rush back to the Canticle offices to arrange for a special edition. I have not heard anything from my reporter in Nepeth, but it is expected that King Drin will shortly issue a statement. The Canticle will, as always, be the first to bring you the latest news, as it happens. Thaddeus, The Chronicler --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaius reports the mists have pulled back in the east, and seafarers have promptly followed his direction to locate a route over to the new continent. Gaius encourages travellers to explore east, but warns them to bring a magical map of Hanza's along. Strange peoples, red pandas and pristine rainforest were among the things he reports to have seen. We will report in more detail about the wonders of Infidian in the next issue. In the meanwhile, explore! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elvish Unrest Near Hobbitat An extremist faction has formed within the elvish minority population in the Hobbitat area. Zealous demagogues have adressed any full-blooded elves willing to listen, stating that the time of oppression is ending. It seems that many young elves that have spent their life in the part of the realm that hobbits have made their own are very eager to see an elvish nation rising in the northern woods as well. They are recruited actively by the instigators, to join "Andellen", as the group seems to call themselves. The faction has threatened to kill any elves who mingle with lesser races, and have caused havoc in the area. More moderate actors are feeling the effects as well, as a peaceful elvish protest against prejudice in the streets of Hobbitat was violently dispersed after the Hobbitat town council was warned it might have a connection to Andellen. An Old Battlefield Uncovered Adventurers have discovered a battlefield in a glen far to the northwest, with a silent tale to tell. Strange magics seem to haunt the area, and explorers are warned against traveling to the area unprepared. The Tantallon Tourism Council notes that battlefields are an excellent way of learning more about the past of Anguish, as are the numerous books in the fine libraries around the continent. Tourists Warned About Pickpockets Rumour has it that theft is on the rise, just as the large towns expect visitors from Infidian to find their way on the western continent. In response, the dwarvish bank of Tantallon reports opening new and improved vaults deep in the bedrock below the harbour town to store all the gold tourists worried over pickpockets will want to deposit away. Brog has also commented that his supply of scalping knives are all polished and ready for use by those wishing to aid the execution of the Law. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- N E W S I N B R I E F ----------------------------------------+---------------------------------- Elderly citizens blame youth culture of | Fishermen report that more care the day as the latest hit toy is of a | must be taken around Crescent highly insulting design. | Lake again, after a quiet period. ----------------------------------------+---------------------------------- Upon the Senate's demand and generous | In response to the problems funding, Kzoaki and Puffy have worked | newcomers sometimes have, the hard and finally found a way to design | Tourism Council is giving out their pipes so that they do not go out | reference cards with basic in the rain. | instructions on how to survive ----------------------------------------+ the first days in Tantallon. The strange light conditions of the | Star Caverns should now confuse both | Lorius has also begun to give adventurers and their pets considerably | suggestions on interesting areas less. | to begin exploration with. ----------------------------------------+ In Icemonth 587, Guest completed the | The Tourism Council wishes to challenges set forth by Gaius and | welcome our Infidian brethren became entitled to bear the title of | on Anguish! Wizard. Due to his forgetful nature, +---------------------------------- Guest then promptly reverted back to | The Monks of Antana celebrated the level of a child the next day. | their new titles with a Monk It has been argued that when Gaius | Appreciation Day picnic and became less strict with his demands | some trivia contests where recently, he overdid it. "We'll have | participants could test how Guest wizzing next, you know," the Arch | strong the Monk within them was. of Education of new wizards was heard | The now-Eldar Krq and wandering saying as she learned of Gaius' plans. | Ronin gathered the highest score. ----------------------------------------+---------------------------------- Rangers have been getting considerably | The Tantallon Tourism Council has more patient in counting out a specific | slapped the Putrid Troll silly amount of sinew to share with other | for being such a big... well, rangers, instead of the usual, handing | bad. Youngsters will now have over the entire bundle. Some note that | a better chance of surviving being elbow-deep in gore much of the | route instructions that lead them day actually does not increase one's | past her home. Adventurers warn interest in trying to pull bits of | that the place is still a bad sinew apart just to keep a few. | choice for a picnic spot. ----------------------------------------+---------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 5 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- HEARD AT THE TOWN HALL Fir brings you the latest news from the heart of the realm, and the meeting place of the Senate. *** The Wheel Of Time Turns Wider *** Residents of Ancient Anguish cheered at the halving of their deja vu experiences after the Senate tested a lengthened reboot cycle of 49 hours in April and the populace found it to be preferrable to the old 25 hours. *** Gaius Relaxes Demands *** Since there is so much to see and learn in the realm these days, Gaius has decided that he does not need to be quite as adamant in sending people to certain death or enlightement with his cryptic advice. "It should be enough that people wishing to call themselves wizards have gotten a dozen close calls and maybe ten painful injuries on their way to wizardhood. Five gruesome deaths are no longer a strict requirement, although I still consider it a plus," Gaius noted sagely. "And remember, the best explorers combine curiosity with meticulous thinking!" *** Rewards For Hard Work *** The strict and arduous life of a wizard has been slightly easier, by rewarding hard work along the way as well as at its final fruition. More details in 'help wizrules'. *** Difficult Decisions *** After an extensive Law and Senate review, former wizards Arakis and Wolverine and all their alts have been banished for the relentless and vicious harassment of players, developers and administrators of Ancient Anguish. The decision invoked the eternal topic of the boundaries of civilized behaviour that can be demanded of those criticizing the system, and how much endurance to demand from other productive members of a society. Players and wizards are divided in opinion within the two groups as well on what kind of governance approach would be best in this special environment. It seems, however, that the cleft between administration and playership has become less extreme of late, while the discussions have taken more enthusiastic and less jaded tones. Heard At The Town Hall continued on page 6 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 6 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heard At The Town Hall, continued from page 5 ... *** More Anarchy Expected *** The Senate has decided that due to the overwhelming excitement caused by the Anarchy during the move, it will become a regular event. This gives the residents of Ancient Anguish a chance to release pent-up anger in various themed ways. The details of the implementation of the Anarchy celebrations are still being worked on. *** Balance Arch Retires *** Paldin has retired from the position of Balance Arch after becoming the longest-serving arch in the history of Ancient Anguish. (1993-1994, 1997-2006). Beyond hours and hours of checks and adjustments to keep the game from remaining between pushover and all too hard, his contributions include: * The skill-based combat system, which has the fighter populace addicted * The more recent two-weapon skill, which increased the challenge * Ranger wolves - one of the reasons the class has become immensely popular * The shapeshifter class, which made idling a way to advance * The extension of possible mortal levels from 19 to 50 * The website upgrade, a long longed-for change. Theryn has taken over the duties of Balance Arch. *** New Senator Appointed *** Scarecrazy, a former editor of The Canticle, has joined the Senator ranks. She has guided the development of Infidian ever since Buxley transferred the task to her, made a long career as Arch of Map and World, and brought us wonderful trivia contests galore. We are very proud of our newest connection to the Town Hall, and wish Scarecrazy the best of luck! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 7 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Business News It appears that Decker, Elmor and Myrtae have increased their level of business since last we heard of their exploits, and have become a little greedy! They have signed a secret trade agreement with various sellers throughout the realm to have extra goods sold through Tantallon, in order to attract more customers to their stores! Scrambling to keep customers in light of the secret trade agreement of Decker, Elmor and Myrtae, the Andeli Castle Shoppe and Gramshiz Shop have upgraded their storage facilities. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customers Laud Effects Of Free Competition Customers have been happy with the improvements to equipment sales all around. They point out the selection has gotten better and the shopkeepers more interested in good customer service. They suspect the Tantallon shopkeepers' deals will help new kinds of business thrive as well, such as trade routes and price comparison services. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shopkeeper Sleeplessness On The Rise Shopkeepers outside of Tantallon are suffering from nightmares and lack of sleep altogether, as they worry about the effects the Tantallon cartel may have on their business. There are plans to petition King Drin to bring down some regulation to make it easier to compete with the businesses at the eastern harbour village. Smiths complain that their armour sales have plummeted since Myrtae's bundle offers of a full set of protective gear make it considerably harder to get their superior, but unbundled products sold. A shopkeeper in Hobbitat wishing to remain anonymous notes that whenever she tries to make a breakthrough with a new product, the Tantallon shops start selling cheap copies at rock-bottom prices until she is priced out of the market. From the Tantallon trade office, Moza advises customers not to celebrate too soon: the overall effect on product variety will be negative, if small businesses are forced to close up shop when they cannot compete. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 8 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- -=} Dear Laggy {=- Dear Laggy, My boyfriend Lex Luthor and I for the most part have a very happy and fulfilling relationship, but lately he's been SPANKING me without preamble. At first I thought it was sort of cute, but now I'm worried that he might be developing an unhealthy fixation with it. How can I politely discourage him without ruining our relationship? Sincerely, Rosie Redbottom Dear Rosie, I warmly suggest you start wearing platemail panty hose. That way, the next time your boyfriend gives you a merry swat, he'll break his wrist, but he will not consider it against you since it was his own fault. Laggy ~o~ Dear Laggy, I have noticed that some people hold contests using the 'comp' and 'insult' commands. What are the best results for each? Yours, Nice Smile in Neville Dear Nice Smile, You should always aim for toad fish that is a product of a bored housewife and a rottweiler. The compliment or insults hould be delivered with a themeful preface. Laggy ~o~ Dear Laggy continued on page 9 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 9 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Laggy, continued from page 8 ... Dear Laggy, I'm TIRED of being 10. I want to be 11! Yours outside of time, Every NPC on AA Dear Every NPC, Change is coming, but do not hold your breath. (Since we already banned those smurfs.) Laggy ~o~ Dear Laggy, I am hungry and I want an old dusty tome depicting the illustrated adventures of super heroes. Sincerely, Locked in a Dungeon Dear Locked, Unfortunately the tomes we sent did not quite make it, but maybe you could get started with small rocks? You know, you can invent all kinds of games from little pebbles, and you can also suck on them to feel less hungry. Laggy ~o~ Dear Laggy, McFuggin never calls me baby anymore. Sadly yours, LoveChild Dear LoveChild, He never really loved you. Take your vengeance with a knife from the shadows! Also, he says you have told him not to, so you might talk to him about your real feelings on the matter. If this does not help, go for the knife. Laggy Dear Laggy continued on page 10 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 10 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Laggy, continued from page 9 ... _______________________________ /\ \ Dear Continued, \_| | Do continue. | * * * * * * * * * * * * * * | Laggy | YOU ARE INVITED TO JOIN | | THE MONKS OF ANTANA! | ~o~ | * * * * * * * * * * * * * * | | Enjoy the benefits bestowed | Dear Laggy, | by our blessed Mother while | What should I DO? | serving the common good! | Confusedly yours, | | Desperate | Benefits include: | | | Dear Desperate, | - Healing salves and herbs | Hide all the evidence and hope no one | - Monk robes | saw you. Next time, be more careful. | - Use of the monk telescope | Laggy | - Unique feelings | | - Homemade wine | oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo | - Fair storage system | o o | - Much more! | o Haiku Time o | | o o | Our fair Guild is located at | o o | the holy temple in Neville, | o Silence is my friend o | behind the cascading | o He's there all the time for me o | waterfall. | o Alas! There he goes. o | | o o | | o Orev o | * * * * * * * * * * * * * * | o o | ASK A MONK OR NUN IF YOU | o Snow Haiku, by Elowyn o | NEED DIRECTIONS! | o o | * * * * * * * * * * * * * * | o Drifting flakes dance down o | | o Bringing silence to the noise o | | o Our hearts stop to hear. o | ___________________________|_ oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo \_/____________________________/ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 11 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years: The 23rd Mooseriders Brigade The Eldar Guild Master, Dubanka, is known for his fascinating war stories told to the youth of the guild in the warmth of the library, as Mithel dozes off in the background. He has agreed to share another story with the Canticle readership. Lorien: Welcome back, Dubanka! We're all very excited in hearing your next story. Dubanka: You've kept me locked in the bathroom the whole time! Lorien: Well. The readers don't need to know that! Dubanka: Ah yes, what was I to tell you about this time? Lorien: The 23rd mooseriders brigade! Dubanka: Now that brings back memories... The 23rd mooseriders brigade! Now, the name of the brigade might be a little misleading. Lorien: Oh? Dubanka: Because we were less of a brigade, and more of a company. Lorien: You're not riding Mooses? Or oh. Meese? Dubanka: Oh, we were definitely riding Moose, unless they were tired or ill-tempered at the time. But it's not much of a name if you add in all the caveats. Lorien: Caveats? Dubanka: Well, when we first started up the brigade, we used to call ourselves: "The 23rd Mooseriders Brigade (actually more of a company, and we only rode the moose whenever they were not tired or ill- tempered)." And we'd say the latter stuff really fast and low to save face. Our banner had '23rd Mooseriders Brigade*' on the front, and the disclaimers on the back. Lorien: In very small writing? Dubanka: Naturally. It was a lot to fit on there. Lorien: So why the 23rd? Why not the 1st? Dubanka: Our numbers were picked out of a hat. Lorien: Ah, very neat. So nobody can be ill tempered about that. 'Cept perhaps the Meese. Dubanka: There was the 23rd Mooseriders Brigade, the 96th Mooseriders Battalion, and the 8 1/2 Mooseriders Squad. Tlachtgae: Did you ride anything else? Dubanka: The army was don't ask, don't tell at the time. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 12 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 12 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 11 ... Lorien: At the time. How about now? Tlachtgae: And what nation's army were you in? Dubanka: I'm not in the army anymore. Retired! This was during the Human-elf wars. Lorien: And as a dwarf which side did you take? Dubanka: I sided with the humans because Elves did not have mooseriders. The mooseriders were formed when a crack team of human scientists determined that elves were weak defensively vs. the moose. Tlachtgae: That would explain why half of my body has been quivering through this whole tale. Lorien: Your body is always quivering. Tlachtgae: Well, it's usually a unified quiver. Dubanka: And it showed during battle. When the moose weren't tired, ill- tempered, or frightened, they really did some damage! (Side note, elves did a similar study and found that humans were especially weak against kicks to the groin.) Tlachtgae: What was your position in the brigade? Dubanka: I was a sergeant. Back in those days, a dwarf couldn't be an officer in the human army. Lorien: Why not? Dubanka: Officer positions went to all the rich, important humans. The real work was, as usual, was down to the non-commisioned officers. Tlachtgae: Maybe this is a story for another time, but what led to you joining the army? Dubanka: I joined the army because I had a pet moose who was very sympathetic to the human cause. Moose love freedom. The commanding officer of our brigade was a lieutenant named Artie Biggles. There were two sergeants, myself and another dwarf named Endocryne. Lt. Biggles was completely useless. He had no sense of direction, and we usually patrolled wherever the moose felt like going at the time. Lorien: Did they go the same places every time? Dubanka: Generally, this often led us farther and farther into enemy territory, as moose are often affected with wanderlust. And moose that join the army usually do so because they want to see the world. Dubanka, The Early Years continued on page 13 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 13 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 12 ... Dubanka: So without further buildup, I'll tell you of the one time we were stuck behind enemy lines for several months. This was during a lull in the war. We were patrolling the current accepted borders between the forces. Mooseriders were often used to patrol the borders because moose can cover a lot of ground if they're not tired, ill-tempred, frightened, or hungry. A side-effect of this is that we kept subtly pushing the elven forces back as the moose wandered outwards and expanded the border. But we all carried large signs that said 'Border Patrol' in elvish, so they were none the wiser. Tlachtgae: They didnt suspect your nonpointy ears? Dubanka: Well, they knew we were patrolling the border, so as we moved outwards, they moved backwards to keep a firm eye to make sure our forces didn't cross the border. Lorien: Very wise of them. Dubanka: But sometimes the moose would wander so far and so unfortunately that we ended up far behind enemy lines where it wasn't so easy to fool them with official-looking signs. So with no further buildup, I'll tell you of the time we wandered so far into enemy territory we got stuck for several months. Our patrolling for the day was just ending, so Artie formed us up and we marched back home. By the time we got home, we found we were in the middle of nowhere and in completely unfamiliar territory. But Artie refused to listen that we may not be back on base, so we put up our tents for the night. Judging by the stars, we could tell that it was night time and that there weren't many clouds. But nobody in our group knew anything about telling our position. Lorien: So what did you do? Dubanka: So Endocryne solved our problems by carving up a big arrow- shaped sign that pointed the way we came that said 'Base: 50 stadia'. To make matters worse, by the time we woke up in the morning there were 5 more signs up, pointing in all directions, saying 'Elf base: 1 stadia'. Dubanka, The Early Years, continued on page 14 ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 22.0 5 Moonset, 587 Page 14 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dubanka, The Early Years, continued from page 13 ... Lorien: Eep! Were you caught? Dubanka: Plus, we were surrounded by angry-looking elves. Tlachtgae: Did they have weapons? Dubanka: Well, we weren't too worried about their swords and bows. But each of them had a large iron spike on their right foot, which made my crew very, very nervous. We were faced with a choice. We felt confident that we could break through their lines with a well aimed moose charge, as long as the moose weren't tired, ill-tempred, frightened, hungry, or disinterested. But a lot of groins would have paid a dear, dear price. Our other choice would be to surrender, and let our valuable moose into enemy hands. Now, by this point in the war, the elves were very cautious of the moose, so it gave us time to think and plan. And in a stroke of genius, Endocryne carved up a 7th arrow sign that said 'Candy: 1 stadia' and pointed it away from our base. Lorien: Very smart! Dubanka: Well, of course the elves fell for it. So when we all went 1 stadia that way, and the candy ran out, we were prepared to make a break for it on the meese. And the old saying is true: When running from an elvish army, you do not have to outrun the elves; you only need to outrun Lt. Biggles. So, with Artie out of the way, we could finally start picking our way back home through the enemy lines. Which was extremely difficult, as moose are not meant for stealth work. And nearly a month later, we made it back except for ol' Artie, 12 men, and one moose who died of cholera. The End. Lorien: Poor moose! Dubanka: Next time I'll tell you about my short tenure in the King's personal guard, protecting King Albalachalabal's father, King Maklaklamalkak. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Acknowledgements The Canticle Editorship would like to thank the following people for helping this special issue come to existence: Theryn, The Infidian team and Scarecrazy, Dubanka, Eleanor, Comatose (and Progresso Soup, and the Eldar line cited for inspiration), Lorien and Tlachtgae, Sylwen, Constantine, Orev and Elowyn, Druenarrii, Dafeon, Bunbun, Laperd, Mendebar and Malire.